Chapter 1: Section 5: Page 40: Line 105 (687)

 "Hershel, I don't know how I'm supposed to tip you."

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Well, Lew, when in Rome!

I'm not sure if that was a joke or not. Is it a play on Romans giving blow jobs in exchange for goods and services? Because if that was a thing (I think that was a thing in the HBO series Rome), that could be the joke. And also if that is a historical fact, then I'm really giggling about Jesus saying, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesars." Because that's sort of like saying, "When in Rome!"
    But the problem is "When in Rome!" just means "Do things you normally wouldn't do when at home, as long as they're things that the locals commonly do, not suddenly become a serial killer or set buildings on fire." But I suppose because the Romans are practically interchangeable with the Greeks to morons like me, "When in Rome" just makes me think I should engage in sodomy when in Rome. Which is just a terrible thing to think, especially when I know for absolute fact that it's the Persians who were known for sodomy, according to one of Richard Francis Burton's endnotes in his translation of The Book of One Thousand Nights and a Night. The exact quote is offensive on many fronts but I'll quote it here so you know I'm only believing terrible things that famous people said a long time ago: "'Ghilman' are beautiful youths appointed to serve the True Believers in Paradise. The Koran says, 'Youths, which shall continue in their bloom for ever, shall go round about to attend them with goblets, and beakers, and a cup of flowing wine,' etc. Mohammad was an Arab (not a Persian, a born pederast) and he was too fond of women to be charged with love of boys: even Tristram Shandy knew that the two tastes are incompatible. But this and other passages in the Koran have given the Chevaliers de la Pallie a hint that the use of boys, like that of wine, here forbidden, will be permitted in Paradise."
     I mean, egad, amirite?! But he does mention Tristram Shandy so that's pretty postmodern, right?!

Chapter 1: Section 2: Page 13: Line 45 (150)

 "Well, they're running just lickety-split," Miles continued, "a-and say, one of them hasn't even got any clothes on, that's sure what it looks like all right!"

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Remember how we determined Miles Blundell is the lowbrow and vulgar part of Pynchon's imagination? Leave it up to him to notice the naked person!

Pynchon loves to use the stuttered expression of "and" a-and I have no idea why. Does it mean something or is he just trying to convey realistic speech patterns where lines don't always come out of people's mouths cleanly? I bet it's a secret message and there's an explicit reason for every time he uses it! I just don't know what that secret might be because nobody ever tells me their secrets or lets me join their shadow societies.

I bet Miles, being the vulgar aspect of Pynchon (and quite a plump aspect it is for reasons you'd understand if you read Gravity's Rainbow), uses the term "lickety-split" because it sounds so dirty. Obviously it isn't dirty in 1893 because in 1893, people didn't know you could put your tongue inside of a vagina. I mean, I'm sure lesbians did! But who were they going to tell the wonders of cunnilingus to other than other lesbians without getting tarred and feathered? Also, people in the Middle East and India knew this was a thing. And also some lovers of erotic material who were members of the Kama Shastra Society and were able to get their eyes on Richard Francis Burton's translation of The Kama Sutra. Other than that, nobody knew you could lick that split at all. NOBODY!

Chapter 1: Section 1: Page 3: Line 1

 Now single up all lines!"

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This is it. The stupid first line of this stupid book that made my brain vomit-scream the idea "You should do a blog where you just write about each individual line of the book!" as I was trying to stop repeatedly playing the old Animaniacs theme song in my head in an effort to remember the lyrics they changed in the new Hulu series. I guess the vacuum that was created sucked in this other terrible thought because my brain has no respect for the amount of time I have to do all the things I already want to do every day. My brain apparently thinks I'm a lazy piece of excrement that needs more projects that I'll never finish not because I abandon them but because the "never finishing" bit is a feature. Here are a few projects I've given myself over the years that I knew I would never be able to finish as soon as I created them:

An online comic based on both Dungeons & Dragons and The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo called Dwarflover. Admittedly, this project has a terminus built into it: the capture of all thirteen ghosts. But the execution was purposefully expansive to give me too much to write about. Eventually the Photoshopping took its toll on me and the project was abandoned after two ghosts (Freddy Kreuger and Acererak) were captured after finishing one dungeon (The Tomb of Horrors). I had the theme and plot of the next dungeon (Dungeonland) figured out in my head with the first chapter written and the second and third chapter basically plotted out in my head. Maybe I'll return to this when I retire.

Reading every holy book (including Dianetics because, I mean, right?) as an areligious person who is mostly unfamiliar with the dogma of the religion and trying to interpret the text as literally as possible. This project was a lot of fun but ultimately abandoned (maybe until I retire from retirement?) after writing 335 pages on the first 45 pages of Genesis. This might still be my favorite project I ever abandoned. It was written in the style of a study guide and included sections like Science vs Faith, Drawing Time, Historical Facts, and Know Thy Enemy. The science versus faith section was always based on some theme in that particular section of The Bible (the subject of the last section I wrote about Joseph in Egypt was "Magicians") and a good amount of the historical facts were actually facts about the television show Lost (this was because I often confused Abram with J.J. Abrams). One entire section was just the first episode of the old Star Trek series inserted and discussed as if it were a chapter of The Bible. It used to be on the Internet (and still might be archived in weird Way Back Machines managed by top hat wearing cows) but I took it down when I thought, "This could be my first book!"

A blog discussing every book DC comics published when they flushed their entire universe and began The New 52. This was just the culmination of a dream I had when I was 12 where I thought, "Wouldn't it be great to be able to buy every single comic DC publishes so I can keep up on the entire story of all their characters?!" The answer turned out to be "No, it's not great. Not at all. Especially when they picked up all of Marvel's worst writers for the project."

Places & Predators, a roleplaying game based on The Game of Life. Technically this isn't exactly a project with "never being able to finish" baked in. I could have completed the basic game and then the "never finished" part would be continually writing modules and building the world. But seeing as how the "never being able to finish" is just a part of my DNA, I kept rewriting the rules. Over and over and over. Ultimately I did put out a finished project based on Cribbage and not The Game of Life. But I did add a character class, Cult Member, and a cult within that class who believe the world they're living in is a pale imitation of the actual world and that world is the original game I created. So I can still force all of my work back into this game! Also, the new game based on cribbage is also just based on the original world so it's not like I've thrown out all the writing I did. It's all still viable! This project actually exists in the real world and you can buy a copy of the basic rules with a starter module on Amazon Kindle!

Can I include "reading Burton's translation of The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night" as a project since I've been reading that three volume monster for over ten years now? No, probably not.

I guess none of that was about this line from Against the Day, was it?

If the first line wasn't Pynchon telling the reader to pay attention to every individual line then I'm wasting my time. Because if every line of Pynchon's text is simply plot related then Pynchon isn't as interesting as I first thought. Also, I would have to learn about singling up lines and whatever that means. I know it has to do with launching a ship (an airship in this case!) but it's easier to jump straight to the possible subtext because that's all speculation that takes place in my head! Learning about the actual meaning of "singling up a line" means having to do outside reading. And who wants to read?! I'm a Writer not a Reader!

Oh, the other reason I decided to do this blog is because I've been complaining recently about my old college Children's Lit professor in my Gravity's Rainbow discussion over on my other blog and how she always tried to get us to write entire essays based on one line from the text. And she was insistent on keeping it out of context of the rest of the novel as much as we could! What was she, crazy?! How do you even do that?! I have no idea because she always marked me down for going too wide on my discussions and not focusing in enough. Maybe I'll finally learn how to do it on this blog!

I will, however, be writing a lot about me because that's all a sociopathic narcissist really knows about.