Chapter 1: Section 1: Page 4: Line 24

From the far end of the gondola now came a prolonged crash, followed by an intemperate muttering that caused Randolph, as always, to frown and reach for his stomach.

* * * * * * * * * *

Finally, some slapstick! I can't wait to meet this hilarious individual who is falling all over everything. I'm making assumptions about the cause of the crash but I think that's okay because the use of the word "prolonged" makes me think somebody just stepped into a bucket and then stumbled into a cabinet full of China which then teetered precariously as the guy with the bucket tried to steady it but then the vase on top toppled over onto his head causing him to stumble backwards over the mop and fall into a trough of tacks. Also, Randolph doesn't panic when he hears the crash so I'm fairly certain its not some critical apparatus that maintains the airship's elevation breaking down. Randolph, instead, just frowns and gets a stomach ache.

Reaching for his stomach is important! That means Randolph is used to this sort of thing and it's giving him ulcers! Also the frowning! Like Randolph is used to this and understands it will never stop happening. Oh, and the phrase "as always" proves this is a consistent happening aboard Randolph's ship.

Is that a close enough reading of this sentence for some of you Internet people or do I have to ferret out some secret subtext relating to the stomach reaching habits of prudish Victorians?!

Oh no! I just thought of something! Maybe Randolph's stomach is infested with tumors and he's frowning at the realization (sparked by yet another misfortune befalling his ship) that he'll be dead soon! Man, I hope that's not it! I prefer slapstick to cancer. 

Chapter 1: Section 1: Page 4: Line 23

 But considering the ease with which this high-spirited crew were apt to find pretexts for skylarking—resulting more than once in the sort of "close call" which causes aeronauts to freeze with horror—Randolph usually allowed his second-in-command to err on the side of vehemence.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Close calls with death are common enough on futuristic people mover balloons that I'll often let my chief of security incorporate close calls with death into his warnings about using the word 'ain't'," says the worst captain of any ship ever. Erring on the side of passionate intensity (I'm using a synonym for my lesser astute, or "dumber," readers as well as for an allusion to that poem way too many people quote way too often as critical commentary on Lindsay Noseworth) might be a clever way to describe a security commander who sometimes accidentally spits all over the person they're dressing down for activities that actually put the crew in danger but it's a terrible way to describe hanging a crew member by their feet over the side of a ship thousands of feet in the air for sloppy grammar.

For the really old people or the people who used to read the comic book Groo, you might understand the following reference:

The word "skylarking" is my "Niagara Falls." But instead of turning slowly, I need to immediately listen to "That's Really Super, Supergirl."

I wish I could discuss the "high-spirited crew" but we've only met three so far and I'm supposed to be sticking to just the things mentioned in the specific sentence I'm concentrating on. I admit I don't do this well; I learned that fact over 25 years ago when I got a middling grade from a teacher who expected this kind of deep dive into the specific words used in single sentences divorced from the context of the overall plot. Also, sometimes the sentences don't seem to have a lot of subtext. Also also, I probably will wind up missing 90% of the subtext because I haven't read this book before so I'm literally reading the sentences divorced from the context of the overall plot!

Here's some information we can glean from this sentence: by 1893 in this version of our world, there's already a well-established culture of ballooning with its own lingo ("aeronauts" being a good example) and community (passing along stories about dangerous mishaps that caused these aeronauts to freeze with horror). But we've only gotten one example of this culture in this young crew. Are all the crews young because it lowers the overall weight on the ship? Or is this how people get started? Apprenticing quite young so that, by the time they're able to go out on their own balloon, they're still pretty young?

Don't expect any answers to those questions any time soon unless I start doing more than two sentences per day! Or, you know, just go read the book yourself already! According to Reddit, I'm going to die before I finish this project. Bunch of pessimists, I tell you what.

Chapter 1: Section 1: Page 4: Line 22

 As Master-at-Arms, in charge of discipline aboard the ship, he went about his job with a humorless severity which might, to the impartial observer, easily have suggested a form of monomania.

* * * * * * * * * *

This seems like an appropriate time to answer some of the questions this blog has raised on Reddit because some people on the Internet seem to go about their Internetting with a "humorless severity." Almost as if it were their job to be in charge of discipline aboard the Internet! Or, if not discipline, at least in charge of enforcing some form of rules of conduct which exist in each of their individual heads. Like how people on Tumblr will often tell you how you're doing it wrong or people on Twitter will tell you not to waste your time feeding the trolls.

First off, the person who pointed Reddit to this blog, Doc Sportello, also pointed people to my Gravity's Rainbow blog with the assumption that I didn't finish. Well, just like this blog, I have not finished it. Yet! I'm still doing my second reading of Gravity's Rainbow. It takes more time because some sections of the book are quite long and some are quite abstruse. So it takes longer to figure out if there were a boner to comment on. But don't worry! I'll eventually ferret out every boner in the book!

HentaiSniper420 (a name which tells me way too much about this person!) commented:

is it really painstaking though? the author just seems to be rambling about at best tangentially related topics for most of the blog posts. compare this to something like Brian Boyd's incredibly detailed online breakdown of nabokov's "Ada" and it kind of just seems like this person is writing stream of thought reflections on the novel rather than anything substantial

For some Internet denizen who is interested in reading incredibly detailed breakdowns of things, it's strange that they didn't read the part of my blog, right there on the right-hand column, that says, "An entirely too close reading of Thomas Pynchon's Against the Day by a person without enough information or understanding of Pynchon, history, religion, or pop culture."

As for being "painstaking," I probably wouldn't have used that word to describe my blog so I'll take the criticism as criticism of Doc Sportello and not me! Whew! Now I don't feel criticized!

Boy, it seems like HentaiSniper420 might be a Lindsay Noseworth fan and they want to dangle me over the side of the Internet!

Doc Sportello then answers HentaiSniper420 with this comment:

That's true, it seems to be more of a recreational creative writing project than hardcore analysis. Still pretty cool though.

I really like the "pretty cool" part because I'm totally cool and not a nerd. But also, the hardcore analysis is in there! Somewhere. But also it will be in there even more when I get to parts that deserve more! Although, again, how hardcore can it really be if this is my first reading of the book? This is the kind of thing that needs to be done by somebody intimately familiar with the book!

Plus, I'm just starting Chapter Two in non-blog time and I'm really dreading the amount of analysis that will have to go into some of the more difficult aspects of this book. I'm just trying to keep things light until then! Let's have fun with the Chums of Chance while we're all still young and hopeful!

parisiengoat (Great name. I le approve) comments:

if you do a blog post for every 2 lines they would have to write like 100,000+ pages of blog posts to get through the book and it would take more than a lifetime. why would some even start/attempt something like this? it's mathematically insane.

Ignoring the move from second person to third person because I'm not anal about stuff like that unless I feel like I need to fill more space in a blog post, parisiengoat seems to have a humorless severity about some rule I'm breaking about life. Like, every thing I enjoy doing must have a possibility of some final completion. If parisiengoat had read the entry on Line 1, their question "Why would some [one] even start/attempt something like this?" would have been answered. I face that philosophical conundrum head-on! Also, I guess I'm mathematically insane. I never really thought about it. I do really love the Schoolhouse Rock song "Good Eleven." Did that help clarify my mathematical sanity?

oxenchunk (my favorite commenter on Reddit for reasons that will be apparent any second now) comments:

I support this bold endeavor! and there's some pretty funny writing in there ...

Thanks, oxenchunk! I Internet love you! That's the kind of love where I don't have to look you in the eye or touch you or feel any kind of emotional embarrassment over telling you that I love you. It's also quite sincere though!

OriginalZinn (I appreciate the use of capital letters here. And I'm sure the pun would be quite good if I knew what Original Sin was. Ha ha! No, no. I meant if I knew who Zinn was. I'm such a silly goof!) comments:

They've written a blog post for every 2 lines. As someone said above, for a 1,200 page book, they will never finish. Maybe their grandkids might be able to

I would love it if you could force your grandkids to continue your blog just by sticking it in your will. Alas, I have no children and no grandchildren. So I guess I'll have to finish on my own! (Remember, the probability of my finishing (and the amount I care about actually finishing as well) can be found in this entry.)

Starphysics (this name sounds too much like homework. Yuck!) just repeats everybody else's worry:

Wow... How long will this take? At this rate they won't even be done in their lifetime.

Oh yeah?! I'll show you, Starphysics! I'm going to live to be one hundred and sixty-five years old! The only thing that will keep me grasping on to this mortal coil will be to prove you wrong and finish this thing!

I don't think I really need to discuss too much more about this actual line. We get it! Lindsay is a stick in the mud! But there's a clue there's more to Lindsay with that "to an impartial observer" bit. The narrator seems to know he cares about more than just disciplining people for their informal language but what could it be? What else could Redditers care about? I mean Lindsay!

Chapter 1: Section 1: Page 4: Line 21

 "All right, short-stuff, turn to," muttered Lindsay, reluctantly setting the terrified Darby back on his feet.

* * * * * * * * * *

Ugh. "Reluctantly." I mean, really, Pynchon, the way you had Lindsay mutter was enough to show his reluctance. But I'll accept that a writer is going to make a few errors in judgment when he's writing a thousand page book in a six point font. Anyway, these jerkos and their love of bullying and power and control have gotten straight up my wazoo!

I can't believe I just criticized Thomas Pynchon's use of one single word! I feel like I can take on the world! I'm mad with power! I . . . I . . . I should utilize this feeling while I have it! Here goes:

You know what else you did wrong, Pynchon?! You didn't prepare me for the amount of boners in your books! That's on you. How was I supposed to know that you loved writing so much about boners?! Maybe it's also on my college professors because if just one of them had said, "You know who really likes to write about boners?" and then answered, "No, Thomas Pynchon," after I had wrongly guessed "Kurt Vonnegut," I would have read all of these books so much sooner!

God, I love boners!

Whew. I feel good making that admission! I feel free!

Chapter 1: Section 1: Page 4: Line 20

 "The lad has work to do, and if you frighten him that way, he sure won't be of much use."

* * * * * * * * * *

Maybe I can give Randolph St. Cosmo the benefit of the doubt by assuming he knows the only way to get Lindsay to stop hassling Darby is to argue the capitalist benefits gained by not torturing the young boy. "We aren't going to get our money's worth out of him, Lindsay!" But you know what? I'm in no mood to be charitable. Buttering up your target to get the reaction you want out of them is tacit approval of the way they're acting. What kind of a lesson is Lindsay learning from this? That it's okay for him to hang crew members over the side of the ship as long as they've finished their work for the day.

Boy howdy how I'd love to swear right now! By heck! Poo!

Even in this adventurous crew of young Victorian lads, we see a rank and file class system that treats the lowest kids on the rung as simple capital to be exploited, completely ignoring their humanity! It's disgusting and I won't be any part of it except to enable it by continuing to read the book! I suppose if I were really adamant to fight back, I'd put the book away and have no part in helping Randolph and Lindsay treat Darby poorly. But if I did that, I would also be denying Darby the chance to get back at them! So, for Darby's sake, I will continue to read Against the Day and hope that he eventually tosses Lindsay over the side of the Inconvenience.

I had a cousin who was reading Garth Ennis's comic book series Preacher who suddenly abandoned it partway through. I asked him why he stopped reading it and he said it was because he didn't like how Arseface was being treated as a huge joke by everybody, especially by Garth Ennis! I then pointed out that my cousin was the greatest monster of all because he left Arseface in the terrible part of his life with no hope of bettering his lot. In my cousin's Preacher, Arseface's life was an utter tragedy. He never became a rock star. He never became happy. He never got to see the arc of his life tend toward joy. I won't let that happen to my Darby!

Oh man. I hope Darby doesn't die! If that happens, will I be accused of murder?!

Chapter 1: Section 1: Page 4: Line 19

 "Say, that is enough, Lindsay," advised Randolph St. Cosmo.

* * * * * * * * * *

This sentence would probably go better with Randolph's next bit of dialogue but what am I supposed to do? Betray my rules? You can see as well as I the full stop after "Cosmo"! My hands are tied! But maybe there's enough to talk about here anyway.

What we see here is a captain and leader who can be calm and rational even in the face of one of his crew's life being threatened. Sure, Randolph almost certainly believes Lindsay isn't serious! But we've all heard the word "accident" before, haven't we?! Who knows how sweaty Darby's ankles are at this moment, or how loose his red, white, and blue socks are?! But Randolph, calm and collected, is all, "Pip pip! Tally-ho! That's quite enough, my good chap! Bugger down, by tea! Chop chop!"

Man, now I'm mad at Jamie Oliver for some reason!

My point (yes, I actually have one this entry!) is that Randolph doesn't seem to mind his second-in-command bullying the crew. His casual tone. The use of "advised" as a synonym for said as opposed to "reprimanded" or "screamed" or "cussed informally." And the stodgy name Randolph! He's the epitome of The Man! Ew! I can't believe I was fooled into liking him when he was first introduced because his name seemed so nerdy!

Right? It is nerdy! It would be right at home in this statement: "Randolph St. Cosmo's mother was disappointed that her son's clothes were once again soaked with urine and excrement from having received four swirlies at school that day."

Chapter 1: Section 1: Page 4: Line 18

 As all the while, however, Darby was screaming in terror, it is doubtful how many of the useful sentiments actually found their mark.

* * * * * * * * * *

Lindsay Noseworth doesn't seem to use punishment as a deterrent but more as an opportunity to be a huge jerk. "Keep in line and follow my arbitrary rules or you'll be shaken over the side of the airship again!" Tow the line or get punished. And since Darby can't actually take in any of Lindsay's lessons in this position (although what is there really to be learned? That maybe not talking like a stiff robot with a plunger up your I/O port might lead to saying naughty words?!), Darby probably only learns resentment. Maybe one day, Darby will violently rise up against Lindsay's oppressive regime!

Poor Darby! Also, imagine Darby as a literal baby now instead of a "baby" in quotes! That makes this scene even more enraging and/or hilarious! Remember when Michael Jackson held his baby out of that hotel window and we all got angry about it when other people were around to share our anger but also laughed uproariously in the privacy of our own domiciles?! Ha ha! It's not as funny as the time Cerebus threw that baby but it's a close second! Man, that Michael Jackson was such a prankster!

Seriously though if you view Michael Jackson's life as ironic and a big in-joke, it's much more comforting than if you take him seriously. He was the Andy Kaufman of pop music.