The guards lounging by the doorway seemed to grow more alert.
* * * * * * * * * *
Whose perspective is this bit of narration from? If an omniscient narrator, wouldn't they know for sure if the guards grew more alert? If the narrator were not omniscient, I suppose this would be a fine thing to say to the reader, as if the text were the Dungeon Master of a role playing game and the reader the player character.
"Gary the Small mouths off to the wizard," declares Gary Rochambeau, clutching either side of his hobbit's character sheet in anticipation of the wizard's reaction.
"The guards lounging by the doorway seem to grow more alert," replies Dark Cyrus, his Game Master.
I suppose if we think of Ray Ipsow as Gary the Small in the previous example, it makes sense. Ray would have known he's pushing the limits of Scarsdale's patience and so checks to see how Vibe's bodyguards are reacting. But we know the narrator is some omniscient fan of the Chums of Chance Adventure Book series. Unless the narrator changed when the story began following the Professor and Ray, leaving the Chums at the steakhouse.
Anyway, Ray probably realizes he should shut up before he gets his ass beat.
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