"You have to have some idea of the idle money out here. It can't all be endowments to the church of one's choice, mansions and yachts and dog-runs paved with gold or what have you, can it. No, at some point that's all over with, has to be left behind . . . and still here's this huge mountain of wealth unspent, piling up higher every day, and dear oh dear, whatever's a businessman to do with it, you see."
* * * * * * * * * *
This mini-speech by Scarsdale Vibe is worse than when he shot the old woman in the leg! I'm so mad at this cartoon villain right now! This is the kind of statement that Cobra Commander needed to spout to get young me to side with G.I. Joe! I would have been sitting there screaming "Go Cobra!" at the television because cartoon bad guys are always better than the heroes because they don't really espouse any really terrible moral philosophies on kid's cartoons. Cobra just screams things like, "I'm going to take over the world!" And I was all, "Oh no! G.I. Joe will stop you!" And then Zartan appeared and started speaking in his Australian accent and I was all, "Now wait a second. Who's this interesting guy?" And then The Baroness walked on screen in her vinyl pants and young me was all, "Now wait a second. Who's this interesting lady?" And then Destro was all, "I have made a master weapon to destroy the world but you have to find three different rare minerals located all over the world for it to work!" And little me was all, "Another guy with a metal head? Okay, weird, but maybe I wouldn't mind if G.I. Joe failed."
But if Cobra Commander had been all, "Look at all of my unspent wealth that I've managed to siphon out of the economy due to government regulations that help the people with capital to grow even more capital at the expense of the workers. What am I supposed to spend it on? I've already built a moon laser and a Terror Drome and a bunch of wacky (and highly expensive) murder vehicles and spent loads on crazy mercenaries with cool costumes and how much did that fucking ninja cost me? Like a zillion dollars, right?! What else am I supposed to spend it on? Solid gold dog runs, mansions, and yachts?! What's the point?!" Then I would have been all, "HEY! He's exploiting the system and causing pain, death, misery, and poverty through his selfish actions! Kill him, Joe! FUCKING MURDER THAT PRICK!"
No comments:
Post a Comment