"Professor!" cried that lad, peering incredulously through the burnished cylinder, "the unclad figure I reported—it is not that of a chap, after all, but rather of . . . a lady!"
* * * * * * * * * *
Ever notice how telescopes, which are used to leer at things, are phallic and radio receiver satellite dishes, which are used for listening, are yonic? Really makes you think, doesn't it?!
Or does it? I don't know. I don't care. Be stupid forever!
Or be smarter than me forever yet totally without whimsy by pointing out all the scientific reasons why telescopes must be shaped the way they're shaped and satellite dishes must be shaped the way they're shaped and how similarity to genitals has nothing to do with it! I'd rather have fun making up crazy theories!
Except now right wing politicians have ruined that for everybody. Remember when it was fun to be a fan of things like In Search of . . . and The X-Files and Kolchak: The Night Stalker? Remember when wild conspiracy theories were just fun to rap about because believing or not believing them didn't actually change your world much? So what if somebody thought you were nutty because you believed in The Bermuda Triangle or the Abominable Snowman? At least believing that wouldn't cause them to hate half of America because they thought a Jewish Cabal was trying to institute a New World Order to enslave humanity while also killing off a good percentage of humanity and also maybe destroying white people or something. I don't know! All those political conspiracy theories ruined the fun of the really wild ones, like David Icke's revelation that the royals and many more were lizard people! The whole second series of The X-Files was ruined (aside from Darin Morgan's episodes. Always so good!) because it centered around the new kinds of political conspiracy theories, the ones mainstream people had embraced thanks to Fox News, rather than the fringe ones like our small pox vaccinations were an attempt by the government to store all of our DNA for experimenting in alien/human hybrids.
I wish I'd kept up my subscription to The Fortean Times but I let it lapse when I forgot all about it after I changed addresses in 2003. It came so irregularly that I just forgot I was subscribed! And it's just too expensive to buy every issue off the newsstand here in America.
Wait. What. Really? "Newsstand" is spelled with two S's? That's weird!
Anyway, look! Miles found a naked lady!
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